How crazy is your teacher?

In our demon haunted world, it is not easy raising rational young individuals that regard things objectively.  It gets harder when so many people in their lives, especially teachers, are bats in the belfry.  A kid can have a hundred different teachers from kindergarten through high school. So if 20% believe in witchcraft, 20 of your child’s teachers are full-on “The Crucible“, or “Eastwick“.

We all know that teachers are people, and have the same drives, desires, beliefs and goals as most people. So let’s take a look at what “most people” statistically think about topics that are crazy.  Pseudo-science, ghosts, magic and the supernatual.  I looked at a bunch of recent surveys from reputable sources.  When possible, I sorted by education and in most cases used “college grad” as a proxy for teachers.  It is not crazy to watch out for your child’s education.

So, how insane is the person who is teaching your kid? (or if you are a teacher, how nuts are your co-workers?)

76% of teachers believe in God .
Well that seems like great news, right, that 24% of teachers are Atheists?  Not so fast, Darwin.  Of the self described non-religious, only a tiny fraction (well less than 2%) declare as atheist or agnostic.  They rest are skeptical, or too cowardly to admit it, or have a trippy New Age belief.  Source.  In fact…

Your Teacher is twice as likely to worship something kooky than to be atheist.
There is a growing trend for Americans, even college educated ones, to take on non-traditional beliefs.  There is a 1 in 50 chance your teacher is a: Scientologist, New Age, Eckankar, Wiccan, Pagan, Druid, Santerian, or Rastafarian.  Really?  Where are the Pastafarian teachers?!?

34% of Americans are “Born Again”
Holy S#%t! A full third of your teachers, neighbors, and politicians identify a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and all the jazz about scripture, the Devil, salvation, and evangelism.  This will be slightly lower amongst college educated teachers, but not by much.  Source.   You are SO going to hell. Which brings us to evolution…

37% of your teachers are Christ on a dinosaur crazy.
That is Strict Creationism, as in God wholly made the world and humans in seven days sometime in the last 10,000 years.  A whopping 79% think that God created the earth and has guided humans from creation (this includes the strict creationists).  So this leaves only21% of college graduates think evolution (and not God) is responsible for the earth and humans.  Source.

Granted, religion has lots of cultural and familial baggage, and perhaps people simply stick with what they were brought up in out of laziness or fear.  But what about things where one can draw their own conclusions and use reason to decide without judgment (mortal or eternal).

This is where is gets REALLY KOOKY!

22% think vaccinations are harmful and avoid them. Businessweek
57% believe in ESP, telepathy, and other psychic powersCBS News
3% are vegetarian, but thankfully only .5% are vegan, according to Vegetarian Times

20% of Americans say Socialism is superior to Capitalism
This is from a Rasmussen poll of all Americans.  College educated teachers might have better or worse perspective.  Then there is the fact that they are all in a union.  I call it a wash and there is a 1 in 5 chance your kid’s teacher is a commie pinko.

20% of teachers believe Spiritual Energy emanates from physical objects like trees, mountains, and crystals
18% of college educated people believe in Astrology
11% fear evil spells, curses, and other dark magic
24% have been in touch with the dead
17% have consulted a fortune teller

These stats predict that one in five teachers are totally bananas! The numbers from Pew Research are for college grads, so they really ought to know better. I hope your teacher’s dead cat tells her to find an A+ for you in the crystal ball, or else fear the hex!

The educational system is a crapshoot all about the odds.  There are perfect teachers that are rational and capitalist and are striving to help our kids reach their potential as individuals.  But then there is the chance that your kid will get a magic practicing socialist  “Born Again” bible thumping vegan who communes with ghosts.  Where is the nearest homeschool?

7 comments to How crazy is your teacher?

  • Robbins Mitchell

    Well,the problem with atheists is they recognize no higher power or authority beyond the little lump of feces between their own ears…and as a strict mathematical calculus,it takes more faith to believe that the physical universe and our existence in it is merely the result of blind chance or some sort of cosmic accident than it does to believe that it was created by some overarching spirit force that established observable laws of physics by which the universe clearly operates.

  • So atheists have to believe in “blind chance or some sort of cosmic accident”? Are those the only choices? Aren’t atheists allowed to show completely rational humility and simply say “I don’t know how the universe was created”? I’m allowed to say the same thing about Tempur-Pedic pillows and Creme Brulee, and they’re much less complicated. Somehow, though, if I say “I don’t know” about the most complicated thing in the universe (also known as “the universe”) I’m suddenly an idiot.

    The problem with non-atheists is their inability to accept the fact that the universe doesn’t owe them any answers, so they just make some up to help them sleep at night.

  • “…the little lump of feces between their own ears”

    I believe this point of view allows us to discount anything else you might say. Wow, what a terrible view of man.

  • Great post. You have taken an abstract concept: what is wrong with education in American; namely, institutions of higher learning; namely teachers, and concretized it with clarity. “A fun read” Thanks.

  • Mr. Lyons, BRILLIANT post. Was Thomas Edison an “idiot” because he discovered a commercially viable light bulb and not a flourescent light bulb? Were the Wright brothers fools for not just strapping a JATO unit to their “plane”? We understand, investigate and conclude different things based on the technology of our time. I guarantee that if you landed a helicopter, jumped out wearing a suit and tie, whipped out your laptop and showed moving pictures to the people of, say, Egypt, guess what? You’re a God. Do that today, you are a wealthy person. Do that in 100 years, you might be the plumber. Actually, and I am NOT a nut job, there is even a probability (however small) that Earth WAS seeded by some alien race. And maybe that IS “God”. But like you, and TRULY everyone else, I just don’t know.

    I would bet that 90% of the people using the internet could not tell you how the words they are typing get on the screen. Yet the intelligence of the world is found here.

  • Abbie

    This is very interesting info. I have a 19 month old who will go to public school in a couple of years. I am so happy to have found this site. I am really hoping that dealing with the schools will not be the hardest part about raising my son. I live in a black hole where people have never met an atheist, or a Jew, & have certainly never met a humanistic Jew! I think this will be an interesting road!

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